My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
