I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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