i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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