I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
