Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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