ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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