u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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