how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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