drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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