weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
