please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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