Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
