Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
3pm strippers are depressing
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
