It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
