Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
