Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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