problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
