im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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