I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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