I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
