So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
