Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize