I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
