White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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