Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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