dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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