He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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