Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
