Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
