Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The adults are the big ones right?
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