Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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