I hate all girls vehemently.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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