True but thats because hes a fetus.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
