At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize