I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
