i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
