I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Randomize
