Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
