how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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