The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
