I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
foreskin is a definite game changer
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
