if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
