i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
