just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
