come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
