She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
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