Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize