I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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