i barfeds in our rink
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
