i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
