I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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