No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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