The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
