meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize