Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
worst night to have a conscience
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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