So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
