ya dads aren't the best wingmen
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
