we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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