Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
