Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
nutella sex= disaster
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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