Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Randomize
