Yo dont text me then not text me
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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